Guilty Confession #15

I have self-diagnosed myself with sleep apnea. Just before my body falls asleep, I re-awaken gasping for air with a pounding heart. It's awful.. and very, very bad for the lungs and extremely straining on the heart.

One man who recently spent the night at my house has claimed "I was watching you sleep. Then, all of a sudden, you started breathing really hard for a few seconds, and then completely stopped for about fifteen to twenty. It scared the shit out of me! I picked up my phone to dial the police, and then, all of a sudden, you took a deep breath and started breathing normal again."

Needless to say, that poor sweet boy, whom I still hug and kiss every time I see him, got no sleep that night because he was too scared to leave me to my condition.

Sleep Apnea is, as defined in medical terms, an apneic event that includes a minimum 10 second interval between breaths, with either a neurological arousal (not THAT kind... You dirty girls!) (a 3-second or greater shift in EEG frequency, measured at C3, C4, O1, or O2), a blood oxygen desaturation of 3-4% or greater, or both arousal and desaturation. Which, in more simple terms, means the neurological method in which your body "automatically" remembers to breath stops due to a malfunction in the brain.

I refuse to see a doctor about my condition because I've learned there is no cure for it.

@taylor_dayne

How the hell is @Kenneth212 following @Taylor_Dayne on Twitter and I'm not!? Ugh! I suck as a fan! That shit is getting fixed right quick!

Taylor, please forgive me. I'll tell it to your heart. Tell you you're the only one...

(via k(212))

Aaaaaand... That Would Be a No

I had to steal a part of the title of this blog from JMG, simply because of how true it is. One look at this billboard and I thank god that part of my life is over. It's funny... at first glance, I thought "Miss what?". Then I was like "Oh, it's him. Bush." I then returned to my original question.

NPR reports that a billboard depicting Dubya and the words "Miss Me Yet?" has gone up along an Montana Minnesota highway. Nobody knows who's behind the sign yet, or whether it mocks the former president or the current one. I'm betting on current. And teabaggers.

I'm betting on current, as well Joe.

Did MTV Hire a Marketing Executive with a Brain?

Because, finally, finally, finally, FINALLY, the horrible, awful joke of a TV station has FINALLY dropped "Music Television" from it's almost 30-year old logo. Here's the new one:

And then, Wes got inspired (feel free to distribute this as you see fit):

Readers... are any of you fans of MTV or any of the shows they broadcast across America?

Watch :: Like Humans Do

It's amazing how animals can adapt to unfortunate changes: 

You Need To Become a Fan

If you're not on Facebook yet, I would question what in the hell you're doing on the internet in the first place. And if you haven't become a fan of the Facebook page calling on SNL to ask Betty White to appear as a guest host, then I would ask why the hell you haven't done it yet.

So, if you haven't, do it now and join the 117,000 other people who are cooler than you are (until you become a fan, of course).

Lt. Dan Choi Back in Action!

After publicly coming out, and subsequently being threatened with discharge from his position in the armed forces, Lt. Dan Choi is back in action.

Jeff Sheng at Bilerico Project reports:

To clear everything up for our readers, I spoke to Lt. Choi at length earlier about what exactly the situation is. Apparently, Lt. Choi's commander has always been in full support of him, and even after Lt. Choi came out on The Rachel Maddow Show, his commander did not press for his discharge. The military did eventually serve Lt. Choi a discharge notification - essentially firing him from his job, but he was allowed to fight this at trial, and as it currently stands, the discharge has not been finalized. Given the current state of how DADT is in such flux, and also, in my opinion, the prominence and celebrity of Lt. Choi, his discharge might never be fully enforced

(via towleroad)

"Mommy... Why Does The Beach Smell Like Coconut Scented Man Pits?"

"Oh darling, you're so silly. Look over there!"

Chase Crawford dries out in Miami Beach:

Wait a Minute...

... the Government is supposed to make money off us, not the other way around. Artist Craig Gleason has started selling dollar bills emblazoned with the face Lady Gaga! It's brilliant. He takes his little artsy hand to each note, draws on a GaGa outfit, and then turns around and sells the bill for $15. He's got no overhead... the government prints, distributes, and issues the bills, then Craig turns around and sells the damn things at a 1500% markup. What a genius! Right!? Not Really!:

18 USC 333 prescribes criminal penalties against anyone who "mutilates, cuts, defaces, disfigures, or perforates, or unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, or Federal Reserve bank, or the Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt unfit to be reissued.

I know... I'm such a fucking party pooper. I know what you're all thinking:

Here we go again. Someone comes up with a good idea and Wes has to come in and start crushing dreams and ruining all the fun for everyone. I suppose next he's going to start talking about how careful Craig should be when he files for taxes this year, since he's making money off a Government product and all..."

Nicely said readers! But in all reality, the bills are really neat:

 

 

Hey Craig, start on $100 bills next and see how many you sell. Don't fuck it up! 

Mug Shot Monday

I'll always have a special place in my heart for a man with a parole record!

Ad Watch

When it comes to ads telling people to embrace life, this one's worth getting excited about. Sussex has created an amazing ad calling for people to buckle up. No scare tatics, no bloody gory brain-splattered windshield. A very nice change, but same hard-hitting message, from the normal PSA's.

This Week in Holy Crimes

Over the last seven days...

California: Pastor Martin Richter arrested for sexually assaulting a 13 year-old girl. There may be other victims.
New Jersey: Pastor Gregor Woodcuff arrested on multiple counts of sexually assaulting an underage girl.
Minnesota: Pastor John Erbele pleads guilty to soliciting prostitution.
New York: Pastor Humberto Cruz convicted on ten counts of child molestation.
Delaware: Pastors Jamaar and Rhonda Manlove charged with 21 felony counts of mortgage fraud, possibly the largest such case in state history.
Missouri: Pastor Wayne Hudson charged with child molestation.
Alabama: Pastor Ralph Lee Aaron receives multiple life sentences for molesting four pre-teen boys and creating child pornography.
New Hampshire: Pastor Timothy Dillmuth charged with failing to report child abuse.
Louisiana: Pastor Burcham Warren pleads guilty to molesting an 11 year-old girl.
Minnesota: Pastor Danial Barnes sentenced to 11 years in prison for assault, burglary, and kidnapping.
Maryland: Father Thomas Bevan charged with multiple counts of molesting boys.
Wisconsin: Father Edmund Donkor-Baine charged with sexual assault.
Pennsylvania: Father Ralph Johnson charged with 45 counts of sexual abuse of a minor.
Florida: Father Kenneth Hasselbach convicted of possession of child pornography. Hasselbach was previously accused of sexually molesting an altar boy.
New York: Imam Zulqarnain Abdu-Shahid arrested for smuggling box cutters into a Manhattan jail. Abdu-Shahid has served 14 years in prison for a 1979 murder conviction.

This Week's Winner -
Australia: Father Richard Abourjaily has been reassigned from Sydney to Perth after being caught defrauding his congregants by claiming he had prostate cancer and desperately needed money in order to visit the miraculous healing waters of Lourdes, France. Abourjaily was previously dismissed from a seminary in Lincoln, Nebraska for pulling the same scam, but his Australian overseers totally swear he won't do it for a third time in Perth.

Via JMG

Photography Orgasm :: Ellen von Unwerth

Nice View

All That for This?

Were people seriously worried about this? Although Focus on the Family is a hateful group of people who wish to do nothing more than to ruin the lives of every person on the planet, I don't think there was much to worry about with the Focus on the Family / Tebow ad. 

IMHO, it's tame and executed pretty damn well. Except for one thing: at the end, I couldn't tell if the ad was for Focus on the Family, how to tell family stories, how to not abort your child, how health is important to Focus on the Family, how to tackle your mom when your a pro football player, or how to look completely gay after tackling your mom on public television. 

Levi Johnson's Playgirl Cover Leaked

As you all may know, Playgirl went web-only a few months ago... but they fired up the printers again for Levi! AND, even after his ass shots and shower photos leaked all over the place a few weeks back, they managed to keep Levi's peener out of this new leak, as well. 

WTF!? People... if you're going to do something, please don't half-ass your way through it. Nobody cares about Levi's ass. We want to see the goods. The baby maker. The tube-steak. Stop releasing this bull crap and give us something we can commit to memory. Sheesh!

And who chose the colors for this cover? Pink, yellow and white? Maybe I should re-title this post to read "Flashback to 1993!".

Question of the Day

If you were a tub of yogurt, what brand would you be and would you be pre-stirred or with fruit on the bottom?

Unintentional Gay Moment #1

The halftime show is no longer the only interesting part of the Super Bowl.

John Mayer :: "Hey... That's My Seat Money!"

John Mayer has donated $500,000 to Haiti relief.

John Mayer Rocks. My. Face.

OMG! Brilliant! Finally! Yay! Happy Dance! Orgasm!

Heinz has come up with the most perfect thing ever. The dip and squeeze (that's what he said):

The new design has a base that's more like a cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.

French fry whores... our prayers have been answered. 

Go Colorado!

Men's Health has found two cities in Colorado to be the drunkest in America. Colorado Springs ranked 16th and Denver is right behind it at 17th. Both cities are the state's largest. Doesn't surprise me much. I grew up in Colorado Springs, and really... the only thing to do there is pray, drink, and shop at Wal-Mart. Wes chose door number two and hasn't looked back since.

In 2008, Colorado had more than 30,000 DUI related tickets issued and 218 alcohol related deaths were reported. Now that's disturbing, because it translates to 82 DUI's PER DAY and almost 4 alcohol-related deaths PER WEEK. Damn altitude!

Here's the top ten, and you can see the entire list here.

1.) Fresno, Calif.
2.) Reno, Nev.
3.) Billings, Mont.
4.) Riverside, Calif.
5.) Austin
6.) St. Louis
7.) San Antonio
8.) Lubbock, Texas
9.) Tucson
10.) Bakersfield, Calif.

"Least drunk" cities:
1.) Boston
2.) Yonkers, N.Y.
3.) Rochester, N.Y.
4.) Salt Lake City (HUGE surprise)
5.) Miami
6.) Newark
7.) Durham, N.C.
8.) New York City
9.) Fort Wayne, Ind.
10.) Manchester, N.H.

Chinese May Bankroll High Speed Mag-Lev Train Between Los Angeles & Las Vegas

My best friend Jesse was telling me about the proposed high-speed, mag-lev train Obama has planned for the country, which is predicted to create almost 3 million new jobs for Americans. So it's funny that today I ran across a post about it on Joe. My. God. The Chinese are talking about providing financing for the project to the tune of $7B. 

The California-Nevada Super Speed Train Commission still has several hurdles to clear before it could move ahead with plans to develop the project between Las Vegas and Anaheim, Calif. The commission late Monday announced that the Export-Import Bank of China, which has 14 domestic offices and three overseas offices, said it would provide a direct loan that would require the backing of the U.S. government as well as cooperation with Chinese enterprises. “It is a very positive development for Nevada’s employment picture and very telling that the financiers who are stepping up to bat are the Chinese, the people most familiar with Transrapid Maglev technology,” Neil Cummings, president of the American Magline Group, said in a press release announcing the loan.

The project seems incredibly wonderful. And I'm excited that America is getting in line with Europe's ability to move people quickly across great distances. Here's a map of the proposed plan (click to embiggen):

Via JMG

Conversations With My Personal Trainer

February 4th, 2010 3.48PM

Me: Sorry I didn't get a change to get the pricing on the name tags. I was blogging last night and completely forgot about it. 

Trainer: Blogging? What do you blog about?

Me: Lots of things. Last night I blogged about shoes! And how obsessed I am with them. And how unhealthy my obsession is. 

Trainer: ** Blank Stare **

Me: What?

Trainer: ** Blank Stare **

Me: I love shoes, dude. I dream about them. I want to spend all my money on them. I seriously am putting aside a chunk of my tax return to buy new shoes. 

Trainer: ** Blank Stare **

Me: Stop staring at me like that. 

Trainer: Like what?

Me: Like that. Like I'm some giant homo who's gayness is totally flaming up at the moment. 

Trainer: ** Blank Stare ** 

Me: ** Blank Stare **

Trainer: But you are gay. 

Me: Yeah, but I'm not gay like that, dude. I just get excited about shoes. Plus, I'm planning on watching the super bowl this weekend. It's this weekend... right?

Trainer: Yes, Wesley. Sunday. And doing that doesn't make you any less gay...

**Gets up and starts walking out, shouts back at me**

... and you better be buying a new pair of work out shoes, because Pro Spirit isn't going to cut it any more, YOU HOMO!

WIN!!

It's true boys, there is one problem we don't have to ever, ever worry about it. Unfortunately, we have several others to watch out for. So wrap it up whores!

Eye Candy :: Nuno Branco

Pant. Pant. Pant. Squirt! Wha... I... where?... I can't... the... my...

JESUS:

 

  

  

  

  

 

Nuno Branco is an interior design student living in London. He models part time. And I want to know where the fuck, or who I need to fuck, to get access to these nude shots. NOW! And, to top it off, he's put his ass on video:

Watch :: Only Known Amateur Video of Challenger Explosion

A video has recently surfaced documenting the explosion of the Challenger Space Shuttle. The man capturing the tragedy threw the tape, along with many others, in a box in his basement and sort of forgot about it. How you accomplish that, I'm not sure. 

Anyway, 24-years later, we are presented with the only known amateur video of the event:

Oh My Goodness! Is That Justin Timberlake's Floppy Donkey!?

Oh readers... what a treat! Check out this undated clip of Justin in the recording studio. It looks as if our boy gets a chubby when makin' music. Which makes him the one person with the best job in the world: doing what he loves and getting off and rich from it! 

People are speculating its just a bump in the zipper of his pants, something that commonly happens when your belt buckle is pulled a little too tight on pants that are too big. Which is total horseshit. It is his penile unit. And it's semi-hard. And it's beautiful... and everything I ever wanted it to be. 

Hooray: 

If Wes Was Your DJ :: Relaxed Nation

Eye Candy :: Michael Fitt

Uhm... Heluuuurrrr! Click here (NSFW!) for a very, very impressive documentation of this man's... ahem... man parts. And trust me... after seeing those pictures, these blues eyes won't mean SHIT!

 

  

 

Thanks Wicked Gay Blog!

Who Wears Short Shorts!?

 

Via TPOWM

Colorado Springs' Budget :: Gone

Too bad. My hometown of Colorado Springs will be going through some major changes over the following months, and they suck.

More than a third of the streetlights in Colorado Springs will go dark Monday. The police helicopters are for sale on the Internet. The city is dumping firefighting jobs, a vice team, burglary investigators, beat cops — dozens of police and fire positions will go unfilled. The parks department removed trash cans last week, replacing them with signs urging users to pack out their own litter. Neighbors are encouraged to bring their own lawn mowers to local green spaces, because parks workers will mow them only once every two weeks. If that. Water cutbacks mean most parks will be dead, brown turf by July; the flower and fertilizer budget is zero. City recreation centers, indoor and outdoor pools, and a handful of museums will close for good March 31 unless they find private funding to stay open. Buses no longer run on evenings and weekends. The city won't pay for any street paving, relying instead on a regional authority that can meet only about 10 percent of the need.

"I guess we're going to find out what the tolerance level is for people," said businessman Chuck Fowler, who is helping lead a private task force brainstorming for city budget fixes. "It's a new day." Some residents are less sanguine, arguing that cuts to bus services, drug enforcement and treatment and job development are attacks on basic needs for the working class. "How are people supposed to live? We're not a 'Mayberry R.F.D.' anymore," said Addy Hansen, a criminal justice student who has spoken out about safety cuts. "We're the second-largest city, and growing, in Colorado. We're in trouble. We're in big trouble."

The residents of Colo Spgs (as us natives write it) voted in November against a property tax that would have saved the city's budget. Focus on the Family's headquarters is in the Springs. Yay! Suffer, bitches.

A Reason to Watch the Super Bowl

If you've got no other reason to care about who wins this weekend's Super Bowl, here's a pretty good one.

On Sunday, Scott Fujita will reach the pinnacle of his football career, playing linebacker for the New Orleans Saints in the Super Bowl. Fujita describes it as “this small moment in time where you have a platform to do some good things.’’ Last fall, that included speaking out in support of gay rights, a rare step in a professional sporting culture that often turns social stances into landmines. Fujita, who is married, the father of twin daughters, and straight, pushes against the rising trend in sports to remain mum on cultural and political touchstones. His boldness, shaped by his unusual upbringing, makes him an uncommon and effective advocate for what he believes in. “People asked me a question and I gave my opinion,’’ Fujita said. “People say, ‘That’s so courageous of you.’ To me, it’s not that courageous to have an opinion, especially if you wholeheartedly think it’s the right thing. For me, standing up for equal rights is the right thing to do.’’

Freepers and others are ripping Fujita apart on wingnut blogs, saying that he was brainwashed by his UC Berkeley education.

Via JMG

SE :: I love reading stories about sports stars, and to some, heros, who support equal rights. The sports world is so full of testosterone and pressure. Reading articles and quotes from the men and women who overcome the stereotypical bullshit of the sports world make me incredibly happy!

Hey Janet, We're Having A Picnic...

We have celery, carrots, and beets... what would you like?

"Gimme a Beat!"

Google It

Photography Orgasm :: Anthony Goicolea

 

 

  

  

 

Dealership & Subaru Fail

Have you ever noticed that when you're behind someone who's driving waaaay under the speed limit, or in front of someone who's riding your ass, or witnessing driving that is so shitty you just want to shoot yourself in the face, that it's generally a person operating a Subaru? It doesn't matter what model, it always, ALWAYS is a Subaru. 

No offense to my Subaru-driving readers, but seriously people. I don't know if it's because more people in the world drive them, or if it's because the brand just attracts awful drivers, but every single time I'm behind of or in front of a vehicle, it always seems to be a Subaru accomplishing some of the worse driving skills I've ever seen in my life.

So, I have no qualms assuming the person who took, and edited this advertisement, drives a Subaru:

The Right is Wrong, BITCH!

Holy effing Mary mother of my Frito topped pumpkin pie. This graph illustrating the Daily Kos/Research 2000 poll of 2,003 self-identified Republicans is more than disturbing... it's enough to make you fall off your bar stool! According to these results, 57% of those surveyed believe Obama wants the terrorists to win or are not sure (which, i mean... really? What the fuck does that mean?), 53% think Sarah would make a better President (my gay American asshole would make a better President than her, and still not stank), and, of almost half of the questions asked, the Republicans really aren't sure. So then, what are they sure of? 

And, it really upsets me that Obama's citizenship was even a question on this survey. I mean, are we actually still debating that issue?

Well, Lookie at What We Have Here

One of the world's most beautiful men, who is beautiful enough to have his face slapped on the front and back cover of this month's Men's Health. I'm not sure how I feel about the hair though. That's brave territory for a man who's used to playing the jock and loser surfer guy. Excuse me, I'm sorry... I mean hot jock and hot loser surfer guy with beautiful eye balls, sexy chest, perfect tan, sexy bottom lip, and perfect hands (no soft, black hair... however).

Paul... get back to your laid back, tie-dye, surfer, California look homie. And don't ever, ever lose that 5 O'clock shadow:

"Our" Shoe Addiction Problem

If there isn't anything worse than not being able to afford to buy all the shoes I want, it's sharing a shoe fetish problem with one of the worst celebrities on the face of the planet. It's true, readers. I have an unhealthy obsession for shoes. Skater shoes, to be specific. It's the second thing I look at on a man, after hands. When I think naughty thoughts about other guys, it almost always includes them in some sort of sexy sneakers. SRSLY.

When I ran across this bit on Lindsay's shoe fetish problem, which is apparently tearing her world apart, I felt a little connected to her issue:

Now, obviously, my position is just the opposite. I too effing broke to afford shoe shopping on every payday. Although, I'll admit... I have seriously considered saying "FUCK THE BILLS!" and spending my entire paycheck on a new shoe wardrobe. Good thing I have a well-developed conscious. My Amazon wish list is chalked full of shoes, and, I mean, c'mon readers. How could you resist something as sexy as these: 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Needless to say, I am wanting to spend a portion of my tax return this year on some new shoes. And let me tell you all what, that is guilt-free buying right there! 

Sorry for the Light Posts This Evening

Oh. Em. Eff. Gee. Readers, I am so exhausted tonight, I can't focus on blogging. The only thing I can focus on is wet dream land. Seriously... every time I walk by my room, my bed starts whispering my name and rubbing it's nipples. I promise more posts tomorrow after my little hiatus tonight.